2014 so far
January: Selfie Olympics
February: Flappy Bird
lets see how the rest of the year goesMarch:
when i was in year 5, i did a speech on clumsiness for my school’s public speaking contest and to be clever, i tripped on my way to the stage dropping my note cards all over the place, but then i pulled the real ones out of my pocket saying ‘if you’re going to be clumsy, it pays to be prepared!’
everyone lost their shit and i got second place
I’m waiting for someone who will write my story with me
Someone who will protect me
Someone who will take my snark
Someone who knows the value of tiny gestures
and sets my world right again when things go wrong
Someone who sees me for who I am, bumps, awkwardness and all
and still loves me.
So you see I’m not waiting for a Disney Prince.
I’m waiting for a Dimitri.
We teach kids to fear animals like rats, snakes, spiders, etc. that are harmless 99% of the time but do we ever warn them about the real danger
WHY DOES IT HAVE TEETH ON ITS TONGUE
I am a gooseologist and I can tell you that geese live on a healthy diet of children’s souls which can only be properly chewed with unholy tongue teeth
one time my mom accidentally put wine into my little sister’s sippy cup and it was only discovered because when my sister asked for another cup she added “this juice is spicy”
*looks at Princess* Mmmhmm!
*holds up sippy cup*
"More of the spicy juice, pretty pleeaase?"
*innocent face*don’t do this here